This Office Worker Keeps Turning Her Ass Towards Me Online

This isn’t a one-time stretch. It isn’t a fluke of ergonomics. According to your internal tally, she’s done this fourteen times in the last two hours. The keyword floating around the watercooler (and your increasingly frantic group chat) is clear:

There are three distinct types of turns we’ve identified in the wild: this office worker keeps turning her ass towards me

Most people face their monitors. If your back is to someone, you are closed off. If your side is to someone, you are neutral. But if this office worker keeps turning her you, she is opening her "ventral side"—the front of her body. Psychologically, exposing your chest and stomach to someone in a shared space is a massive trust signal. It says, "I am not a threat, and I am willing to engage." This isn’t a one-time stretch

Let’s set the scene. It’s 2:47 PM on a humid Wednesday. The office air conditioning is pumping out a noise that sounds suspiciously like a dying whale. You’re three sips into a cold brew, squinting at a spreadsheet that refuses to balance. Then, it happens. The keyword floating around the watercooler (and your

Next time she turns towards you, you turn towards her. Maintain eye contact. Slowly rotate your chair to match her angle. Do not break the stare. Hold for three seconds, then return to your work. This establishes dominance, or begins a very weird courtship ritual. Either way, great entertainment.

Squeak. Turn. Squeak. Turn.